Everybody gets songs stuck in their heads on occasion. To most, this is an annoyance. For me, it is major brain spam. I am so prone to this phenomena that I purposely avoid listening to most music, especially if it contains lyrics unless they are in a foreign language (although once after eating at an Indian restaurant I was possessed for days by a Bollywood instrumental). These stuck soundtracks are known as “earworms”.
Research has found that people with compulsive tendencies and those with strong musical ability are the most susceptible to earworms. I am far from compulsive and have absolutely no musical talent. Nor do I recall receiving any type of blow to the head during the era when many of my personal earworms first made their debut. There was once a web site called “Maim That Tune” that picked a substitute earworm for you (this is like hitting yourself in the thumb with a hammer so you can forget about your backache). Nothing has worked for me so far to rid me of this affliction.
My earworms come in various degrees of intensity and levels of aggravation. Like any good scientist, I’ve categorized them:
Rapid Pygmy-Earworm (Earverma pygmaeus) — Brief earworms brought on by random thoughts or phrases, e.g., I’ll be thinking about going to the bank and end up with the song “I Want Money (That’s What I Want)” by the Beatles, going through my head for a little while. The most tolerable type.
Least Earworm (Earverma minimus) — This is a more typical earworm, the kind that afflicts many people. An obnoxious tune or jingle, often part of current pop culture, that replays for awhile. This would be something like “I’ll Be the One” by the Backstreet Boys, or “Borderline” by Madonna. Sometimes considered a subspecies of the Common Earworm (below), but my situation distiguishes it by the fact that a Lesser Earworm is, over the long term, temporary, whereas a Common Earworm is apparently semi-permanent.
Common Earworm (Earverma vulgaris) — A series of earworms that are well established, some for years, that when present typically last for hours or a couple of days. Examples: “Paperback Writer” by the Beatles; “I Want to Know What Love Is” by Foreigner; “Running on Empty” by Jackson Browne (always triggered by passing a cornfield); “Rebel Yell” by Billy Idol; David Bowie’s “Panic in Detroit” (surprisingly, not triggered by chaos in the town of my birth, from which I’m somewhat immune, but by any image of Che Guevara, which I see more than most people, having a house full of Cuban memorabilia); the tune and lyrics from an old One Hour Martinizing radio jingle; “Who’s Crying Now” by Journey; and “How Do You Mend a Broken Heart” by the Bee Gees. Yes, it gets worse…
Greater Earworm (Earverma horribilis) — Major earworms that have plagued me for years. These will get stuck in my head, playing continuously for hours, stopping for a bit, and starting up again over a period of 5 to 10 days. They include disparate and truly annoying tunes that I never even liked in the first place, some of which are embarrassing to actually confess to, such as: “I Knew You Were Waiting” by George Michael and Aretha Franklin (!!!); “I Can’t Make You Love Me” by Bonnie Raitt; an old Enjoli perfume commercial; “Shake You Down” by Gregory Abbott (oh, the misery); and “I’m So Excited” by the Pointer Sisters.
It’s clear from this list that I don’t need to hear these songs to start a new round of torment (they don’t even play “Shake You Down” in elevators). No, these worms are festering inside me, waiting to periodically afflict me, like a long-running malarial infection. Poet Robert Browning once said, “Who hears music feels his solitude peopled at once.” I just wish the Pointer Sisters would leave me the hell alone.
UPDATE: I woke up this morning (16 Sep) with a Bay City Rollers song looping in my head. This is a new and alarming development, and I’m having flashbacks of the little tartan jacket I made in sewing class in 1975.






